Immersed in the moment

Hi, friends.

I hope this post finds you well. I can hardly believe it’s been almost two months since I last posted here. I have spent much of that time reflecting on the early stages of this journey as part of my final undergraduate project for university. It surprises me still that looking back carries so much potential for pain and suffering, but then I rapidly remember that is why I stopped allowing myself to do it so readily.
Yes, it is fine that I want to remember, but if I can manage that in a way that limits the amount of pain I put myself through, so much the better. I have intended to write for some time about the project that I am also attempting to complete alongside my final dissertation, which will be a memorial book containing all of the conversations that I still possess that I had with Chris, and all of the images, along with my poem that was published last year.
It will mean a lot to me to have all of those documents and images in one place, in a physical form. I presently only have them in digital form and that is challenging, because I find myself wondering what would happen if I ever lost them completely. (That’s only when I really want to torture myself, though.)

In my absence from the blog I have written another fourteen songs in the twenty eight days of February, which include a song that puts the experience I had last Easter into words. I am surprised that came out now, but I look forward to being able to share it at some future point.

The second annual Remembering Online Friends Gone Before event  takes place on the fifth of April, three days before the seventh anniversary of Chris’ transition. Surprisingly, I am not anxious about this anniversary, as I have proven to myself in the past that I can, and will, survive the event.

More than a day for mourning, the anniversary of Chris’ transition is a day to celebrate our friendship, and the profound influence she continues to have on me. If I’d never known her, I doubt I would have written a single song, let alone over fifty. That was just one of many blessings, though.

Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,



About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
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One Response to Immersed in the moment

  1. I’m so happy that you have found a silver lining. You know, there is one thing that you are forgetting to appreciate about yourself: Action. You didn’t just think about writing a song. You wrote a song … Action. 50 songs … Action. You didn’t give up when you didn’t feel they weren’t good enough … Action. You are doing your final project for university … Action. You didn’t give up. Yes, life has blown you around and battered and even turned you inside out like an umbrella in a gusty rainstorm. You got wet, exhausted, and full of despair but it didn’t stop you from going out into the rain again … Action. And, all the while, those of us who are still being blown around or have a feeling, for the first time, that maybe we can find a safe area to let our soul shine again … we had you and the forum that you made to give us strength or courage to go on … Action. You gave us a gift that we needed oh so much. I thank you for your love and support and … action. I think, without a doubt, that Chris would be proud of you and feel like she left a legacy on this earth. She sparked the tinder that you had within yourself or found when you needed it. The spark lit the tinder and made fuel … Action. Chris is never forgotten. I never knew her … but I will never forget her … because you put action into remembrance. hugs

I love it when you share your thoughts- so feel free.

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