I hope this post finds you well. I have written before (extensively, I think) on the oddities of time in grief. The concept of time somehow being more malleable is nothing new to me, but every so often I am surprised by it anew.
Whilst searching for a first draft of a song in my notebooks today, I was taken aback to discover that I’d actually written said song on the 31st of July, 2011. If pressed, I would have said the song was a lot older…dating back to a time when I didn’t write so much about drinking.
That being said, there’s a focus on it in that song, so I shouldn’t be so surprised. However…2011 was not necessarily the best year, so I was amazed to realise that in the midst of that pain (losing Kim) I was able to write a song like that.
It has come to be my most popular song when I play live…so that is a consolation in comparison to the fact that neither Chris nor Kim got to hear it. (I sometimes wonder what they’d think of my songs, considering the level of alcohol consumption – although it somewhat goes with the territory in terms of country music.)
Earlier this week, I played the song that I wrote for Chris in 2009 live at a local venue. It felt good to play it again, as I don’t usually do so. In my mind, none of the songs I have written so far could have existed without the part Chris played in my life, and the part that Kim later played…although the songs I wrote for Kim were a little less tender, perhaps. I still have yet to write what I would really call a tribute to her in song.
Perhaps I will…but even if I don’t, it doesn’t matter. I think they both know how much I value their presence in my life, even if I can’t always articulate it. Granted, it has been difficult at times because of the manner of Kim’s passing in particular. There was a lot more to forgive, and a lot less inclination to do it, if I am honest.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,