I hope this post finds you well. Please forgive the odd title, which I will explain shortly. Some time ago, I had an interesting conversation with a counsellor. We were discussing Kim’s death, and my lingering grief. (That’s an odd phrase, because surely the nature of grief is that it does not just go away.)
The conversation turned to Kim’s family members and friends, those with whom I cut contact. The counsellor remarked that Kim’s mother had probably moved on by now, that it was unlikely that the loss had affected her to the same extent it had me. (A little strange, but I was willing to accept his theory.) His next remark threw me, and nearly inspired a poem, although that has yet to coalesce: ‘You have moved on too, but only in a parallel universe, as you’re still carrying this one with you.’
It could just be me, and my wish to hang on to memories of Kim at whatever cost, but I don’t believe there’s any harm in hanging on to elements of the experience. What was an open wound has lately healed, and now it’s more a scar. Still tender, but bearable.
I don’t know quite what to do with this fact, but I am pleased that emotional healing I hadn’t previously thought possible has seemingly occurred. What it seems to mean at this time is that I can think of Kim freely, without the emotional toll that such thoughts previously incurred. Whether that will translate into some form of memorial similar to previous remembrances, I do not yet know. I would like to do something, but I’m not quite sure what. Suggestions would be appreciated.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,