I hope this post finds you well. It’s been quite some time since I posted regularly here, and for that I apologise. In my absence, I have been on quite a journey from bitter feeling to a grudging acceptance that this is indeed the way things were supposed to be, with regard to Kim.
One of the main sources of my guilt throughout this period of time has been the thought that it is ‘wrong’ for my feelings towards Kim to have changed so drastically. It has been a privilege to realise, with the help of several people, that this change is to be expected. It’s not so important that it happened, it’s just what I do with it now.
Fortunately, the experience of the poetry slam prompted a somewhat unexpected change in the way I feel about Kim now. Yes, losing her was difficult, and made more so by my belief that it was in some way self-inflicted. Recently, however, I have come to realise that belief was incorrect…Kim’s illness was a response to pain, and my belief that it was self-inflicted was much the same.
Whilst I accept that I may never be able to look back on the time I knew Kim with the same fondness that I remember Chris, I am finally able to begin looking back with something other than hatred. In that spirit, I am currently experimenting with online memorial platforms, but having difficulty finding one which fits what I would like to create.
Ideally, I want to find somewhere which allows for a space to remember, without having to share a large amount about the person to whom the memorial is dedicated. The best option I have found so far for this is MuchLoved.com, because it does not publish the country information they collect at the start of the creation process.
I’d be very interested in reading some of your experiences with online memorials. Have you found a website which allows you to do what you want to remember, whilst at the same time respecting others who may have had a ‘closer’ connection to the person you knew and love? Please feel free to share in the comments.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,