I hope this post finds you well. It’s going to be a bit of a mixed bag, as I want to cover several things. You could argue that my writing is always a mixed bag, though.
Firstly, Alana Sheeren’s Shine e-course came to a close on Friday. I have to say it was a remarkable experience all around. I have learned that my grieving self and my true self are on some level one and the same, but also that I can let go of the grief without letting go of who I am. That is a revelation in itself. So, ultimately peace has descended once again.
I once wrote a song which contained these words:
‘I don’t fear tomorrow
In the same old way
I plan for my next moment
And getting through the day‘
‘Someone Said It Better’ © Casey B., 2011.
I am pleased to report that from here on in, it feels like I’ll be able to do a little more than just get by. It would seem that the dust has settled from my latest stint of counselling, and what was discussed this time is really beginning to make sense. There is a level on which I have done this to myself, put myself in this position of grieving so deeply for something I could never have had any influence over.
Strangely, I can now see that it has been the same quandary which plagued me at first when Chris died that has kept me in this state following Kim’s death. It was almost as if some inward part of me (call it soul, or whatever you like) was certain of one thing: ‘But I loved her!’
Unfortunately, love would never have been enough with regard to Chris’ illness, and I sincerely doubt it helped Kim that much. Sure, I guess she knew at various points that I felt something more than friendship for her. Although I’m sure most of us end up feeling that way about those who have helped us through the murk of our own grief.
There are many surprises in the midst of our grief journeys, and in the same way there are many lessons. I don’t like to preach, but personally speaking, it has been vital that I’ve kept my eyes open for these lessons. Somewhere along the line, I am sure I have missed a few, but they seem to be coming back around now I am ready to take notice. I’d love to know what you’ve learned from your grief journey/journeys.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,