I hope this post finds you well. The past couple of days have been full of revelations for me, which I hope explains the delay in my blogging about the experiences I’ve had with Shine.
Yesterday was hugely significant in my journey with Shine, and my journey with my grief. Alana invited us to ponder a situation or issue in our lives where we would benefit from saying no. Initially, I couldn’t think of anything, before I realised that it was staring me in the face.
In order to continue making the progress I have done, I must say no to particular old patterns of thinking. This includes saying no to my belief that Kim was in any way wrong, or that what happened to her was a choice. I hadn’t had a chance to write about yesterday’s exercise until tonight, but when I did, some of the things that ended up on the page surprised me.
Perhaps the most significant of these was ‘I have been loath to admit it, but my grief over Kim’s death is a dung heap of my own making.’
In surrendering to it so often, and for so long, I have also tacitly made a decision not to allow myself to be happy. That is a difficult thing to realise, because it throws up a number of other issues and obstacles that I need to be ready to work with.
I now realise that I shot myself in the foot with my decision to hang on to the diaries I wrote during my earliest grief for Chris, and going into my earliest grief for Kim. Thankfully, I have salvaged those poems I want to keep, and intend to destroy the pages of the diaries on Monday with the moral support of a trusted friend.
After that, I intend to repurpose the books so that I can use them for poetry and perhaps a gratitude journal. There are two volumes, and I love the covers…just not the contents. I am hopeful that the repurposing of the journals will allow me to get to a different space.
I recognise that this is getting pretty long, but I haven’t written about today’s prompt yet. Alana invited us to write a classified ad to the Universe, asking for something we wanted. When I read the prompt, I couldn’t think of anything, so I decided to sit with it for a while and check my writer email. I found a response from Psychologies magazine, wherein they said that my pitch wasn’t ‘quite right’ for them, and invited me to send any other ideas I had.
The thing is, I don’t have any other ideas…so I have asked the Universe for help in finding a place for my writing.
If you’re interested in following my progress with Shine as I post, please follow the blog via email (on the right) to make sure that you don’t miss an update over the next 28 days.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,