Today’s prompt involved creating a list of things we are grateful for. For me, that’s a great exercise, because I know there’s a lot, but I sometimes forget just how much I have to be grateful for.
What surprised me about this exercise, though, was the first thing I thought of. I decided to let my heart lead me, rather than doing it through thinking about what I am grateful for. If I thought about it, I can tell you, that page would be blank!
So, as soon as I got the email and absorbed the prompt, I took a deep breath and began to ponder. The first thing that came to mind was this:
I am grateful for my friendship with Kim, although it didn’t end in the way I would have wanted.
It seems like a strange starting point, but on reflection, I suppose it’s perfect. The only problem with that is the fact that my inner critic sees my writing that down as an admission that my grieving process is now purely intellectual.
I didn’t have the wherewithal to fight that battle whilst trying to write such a list within a fifteen minute window, so I’m putting that question aside.
If that is the case, I’m not sure where to begin, because it means I’m already halfway to where I want to be. I don’t know what it means in the wider sense, though, because I’m still not sure I can think of Kim in a kind, gentle or loving fashion just yet.
I suppose that’s something to aim for, though. I’d like to have my first thought of Kim be more comfortable than it has been for all this time. In case you’re curious, the other elements of my list included the obvious: family, friends, this community, etc. and the music.
I think if I didn’t play music, I probably wouldn’t be the person I am today. The admiration that my friends have (and had) for my music is amazing to me. It’s simply something I do, something I have to do in order to feel human. This is a great starting point, and now I’m eager to see what the rest of the course brings.
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Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,