The day I have waited for is finally here. This morning, I received my first prompt from Alana Sheeren for the Shine e-course. Out of respect for Alana and her work, I’d rather not share too much about the prompts, but as today’s was fairly generic for any type of course, I’m comfortable doing that. We were invited to spend five to ten minutes thinking, journalling, etc. about our intentions for the course.
It was a relief to finally get out of my own way, in a sense. Yes, I knew that I wanted to do the course, but the precise reasoning hadn’t quite been revealed to me. However, as I wrote this morning, it became far clearer.
My hope, and aim, throughout the course is that it will help me to realise who I am when I am not actively grieving, and help me to redefine my relationship to my grief. The purpose of the course is not grief support, but it seems to be about learning to be your own guide and friend. (Heaven knows I need that sometimes.)
Of course, I shall have to see what happens, and be willing to adjust my expectations. (I get the feeling I shouldn’t have gone in with any, but somehow I can’t help it.)
The perfectionist part of me would like to interfere with this, but I must not let it. This is about healing and re-emerging…and using the butterfly notebook I promised myself I wouldn’t use until I ‘felt better’.
There’s feeling better, which can happen, and there’s learning to live with it, which is what I’m going for. Shine is about redefining my relationship to my grief, and not letting it overshadow the friendships I had with the people I love who are no longer present.
I look forward to sharing more of my insights from the course.
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Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,