Waiting for a shift…

As I write this, there is ‘one more sleep’ to what I believe will be the next phase of my grief journey. Specifically, I may now finally be able to let go of some of the grief that has held me back over the past few years. (OK, nearly seven…)

In one respect, I am more than a little scared of what the future will hold without grief. It’s going to be strange, but I hope that I will be able to walk forward without the experiences I have had tapping me on the shoulder as often as they presently do.

The alternate view is that I’m placing far too much faith in this e-course. I deeply admire the person I am going to have the chance to work with for the next month, but I still have to do the work myself.

My hope for the Shine e-course is that I will be able to find that part of me which has not been wounded by this grief journey, and in so doing help myself to heal. I’m not quite sure what form that healing will take, but I have never been more willing to surrender to this self discovery.

There is more hope from this vantage point than there ever has been in this grief journey, I think. I think the part of me that is scared is my inner critic, because if I’m not actively grieving, then he can’t come in and criticise for no reason as he usually does.

However, I suppose I also have to be ready to deal with this fear of change. Change is scary, and I don’t usually do it very well at all. The Shine e-course seems to be a safe environment to inch towards the kind of change I want to make.

So, my intention at this point is to blog throughout the duration of the course, daily. I will attempt to maintain the primary focus of this blog, but I also want to keep a record of how I am doing during the course. Thank you for travelling with me.

Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,


About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
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