Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Off The Wagon


SOCSunday-janasthinkingplace250

 

 

Today, I’m linking up with Jana’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday. Her optional prompt is ‘Off The Wagon’: what have you fallen out of the habit of doing or not doing? 

Looking at today’s prompt, I am more uncomfortably aware than ever that I have lately forgotten how to care for myself. Not in the physical sense, obviously, but in the mental and spiritual senses. Somewhere along the line, I have become so caught up in trying to heal and move on that I cannot appreciate where I am.
I would love to be able to do that, and realise that I am where I need to be right now, rather than needing to heal instantly from something that really took the rug from under my feet. I need to remember who I am, and remember how it feels to love myself. I have completely forgotten for the moment how to do this, so that’s why I feel I’ve fallen ‘off the wagon’, so to speak.
I would love to rekindle my sense of connection to myself, and realise who I am supposed to be, or who I really am. My latest gift to myself is signing up for Alana Sheeren’s ‘Shine’ (a 28-day e-course which goes all out for self improvement, but through a different mechanism.) Self improvement can only be ascertained, I am learning, through accepting who we really are.

I am continually trying to establish good ground work for Alana’s course, but I am not sure where to begin. Attempts to increase my water intake just lead to half-drunk glasses of water lying around, and I’m not sure that’s where I want to begin. I want to be able to say at the end of the 28 days that I have done all I can with the tools provided, and come away an improved version of myself.

I no longer want to be shackled to my ‘story’, so to speak. This does not mean that I am going to forget, just perhaps loosen my grip on myself, so that I can let go, and give myself a leg up, back on to the wagon.

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This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post (above). .
  • Link up your post.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

 

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in Grief Loss and Bereavement and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Off The Wagon

  1. I’m in the process of trying to care for myself, also, and finding it hard. There things that I owe: attention, money, creative energy. All these goods are precious and few, and sorting them out takes more time than I have– maybe we both need to make smaller pieces of each goal?

  2. This is beautifully written – so conscious and caring – and yes, Alana is incredible. I look forward to reading how you settle into your wisdom and allow yourself to love where you are and actually astonish yourself by being 100% there – in the where you are. Much love & so glad I popped over from Stream of Consciousness Sunday today.

    • Casey B says:

      Thanks, Julie.

      I’m pleased to meet you through SOC Sunday – it’s always great to meet new folks. 🙂 I’ll hopefully be blogging my way through the course.

      Take care,

      Casey

  3. Deciding to be intentional about moving forward and taping into “you” again is an important first step. And I can completely relate to those half-filled glasses of water scattered about. Good luck to both of us with that.

    • Casey B says:

      How wonderful to see you again, Jamie!

      Thank you so much for popping by. I’m beginning to recognise that, in fact. I’ve always known I had the reins, I just didn’t know how to use them to control the horse! 🙂 So, he bolted, and I’ve just had to catch up. I think I have done, finally. Now I am ready to re-emerge into who I want to be.

      Take care,

      Casey

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