Misunderstandings and missed understanding

Hi, friends.

It’s late, and I’m blogging in advance tonight. (10pm Wednesday here) The past two days have been challenging, as I had an appointment in which we made a lot of progress, although I’ve felt out of sorts ever since.

The main revelation was that Kim’s eating disorder would not have been a sudden development, rather something that stemmed from issues as a young woman. My challenge now is to look at the situation, not through a lens where I’m blaming her, or blaming her mother, but through an understanding position.

I ‘cannot’ blame Kim for something that was an unconscious process. Intellectually, I realise this, but emotionally it’s a quantum leap. I’m less and less certain of what it is that I’m actually ‘aiming for’ this time. I know that I am unlikely to be able to think of Kim in the same way as I do Chris, but I’d rather my first thoughts were more charitable than angry.

Perhaps it will come, but I can’t help feeling like it needs to happen yesterday. The positive thing that came out of the session was that we will discuss some ‘thought-stopping procedures’ next time. I may then be able to gain some control over these medical memories that persist, even though I no longer have the emails.

Between now and the 28th, my blogging will once again be sporadic.  I’ll be back, I just need to do other things and try to get a handle on this again.

Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,




About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in Grief Loss and Bereavement and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Misunderstandings and missed understanding

  1. Dawn Sievers says:

    This is a tough part of the grief process. Feeling anger and peeling away the layers of it to understand what is behind it, then learning how to accept and embrace so we can move forward into peace – not for the faint of heart! I also have said many times that it isn’t necessarily a finite process, where we go through the Stage of Grief once and it’s all tied up in a neat, tidy bow and tucked away, never to be felt or dealt with again. To the contrary – sometimes old grief will sneak up and sucker punch us with no warning.

    You’re doing really well, honey. Working through it and being in an aware and mindful state is honoring both your feelings and your loved ones.




    • Casey B says:

      Thanks, Dawn.

      ‘Sometimes old grief will sneak up and sucker punch us with no warning.’ Exactly – dealing is tough enough for me to want to run away from it, but on some level I know that’s not a smart thing to do. I know I could walk away and say ‘It’s over, it’s done. Move on.’ but there’s a part of me which doesn’t think that is safe.

      I really appreciate your kind, insightful comment.

      Take care,


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