It’s late, and I’m blogging in advance tonight. (10pm Wednesday here) The past two days have been challenging, as I had an appointment in which we made a lot of progress, although I’ve felt out of sorts ever since.
The main revelation was that Kim’s eating disorder would not have been a sudden development, rather something that stemmed from issues as a young woman. My challenge now is to look at the situation, not through a lens where I’m blaming her, or blaming her mother, but through an understanding position.
I ‘cannot’ blame Kim for something that was an unconscious process. Intellectually, I realise this, but emotionally it’s a quantum leap. I’m less and less certain of what it is that I’m actually ‘aiming for’ this time. I know that I am unlikely to be able to think of Kim in the same way as I do Chris, but I’d rather my first thoughts were more charitable than angry.
Perhaps it will come, but I can’t help feeling like it needs to happen yesterday. The positive thing that came out of the session was that we will discuss some ‘thought-stopping procedures’ next time. I may then be able to gain some control over these medical memories that persist, even though I no longer have the emails.
Between now and the 28th, my blogging will once again be sporadic. I’ll be back, I just need to do other things and try to get a handle on this again.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,