I hope this post finds you well. Tuesday, 15th January 2013 marked the second anniversary of Kim’s death. I did something I’ve meant to do for a while and began to take stock of everything.
‘Taking stock’ has resulted in what is at the time of writing an A2 diagram showing the links between the various parties affected by Kim’s death, and the way it has affected me.
I expect that I have begun an ongoing project, judging by the fact that I have ‘uncovered’ some interlinking between my grief for Chris, and that which I feel for Kim.
I’m sharing what I did with you today because I feel it might be useful for those of you who are also grieving complex losses. (Well, any loss feels complex in the early stages.)
Personally, laying it out on a page has been helpful for me. It’s something I wish I had done a long time ago. Now I can see precisely how Kim’s death has affected me, and how the experience of grief has affected my day-to-day life.
Perhaps most importantly, this exercise has robbed the thoughts that used to paralyse me of some of their power. ‘Put it on the page, and then put it down’ seems to work for dealing with them.
It has been quite a journey from where I have been emotionally in the past to where I am now. It’s a gift to have reached a place where I can breathe and acknowledge what has happened. When Kim died, I had very little opportunity to actually acknowledge what had happened, much less begin to process.
Had I been informed that Kim was shortly to leave the planet, I would have been able to ‘prepare’ myself, by way of prayer and ‘releasing’ my attachment to her. It is perhaps impossible to say for certain, but I feel that the inability to do that complicated my grieving process. Because I did not know that Kim was going to die, I still harboured an attachment and a sort of affection.
Following her death, that was ‘transformed’ into a sense of personal abandonment that quickly became spiritual. Through the exercise I described above, I have begun to understand what grief has done to me, and what kind of personal intervention this particular complex loss requires.
I am certain I will follow-up in the future on how the chart progresses.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,