Successes, songs and struggles


Hi, friends.

I hope this post finds you well. This week has been particularly good, thanks to the wonderful people who commented on my Project Underblog guest post. However, there have been some trying moments. I was browsing YouTube on Monday evening, when I noticed that whoever manages Gary Allan’s YouTube page had uploaded a new video.

As I’ve written before, Gary Allan’s music has a special place in my heart. It was a significant part of the soundtrack to my friendship with Kim. Recently, I have been pondering the irony of that. She introduced me to the music that ultimately became the soundtrack to my grieving process, in all its ugliness and sporadic beauty.

Anyway, back to Monday and Gary’s new single. I listened to it once without preparing myself, decided that I would ride the wave of whatever emotion came to me. In truth, I didn’t expect the mild sadness that accompanied it, after a year and nine months of anger.

Instead of the burning anger which I’d almost gotten used to, I was treated to the same aching sadness that used to attend all thoughts of Chris. Said sadness does not attend all of them any more, I am pleased to say…more 30% than the overriding proportion.

However, I was reminded that this grief journey definitely still has peaks and troughs. There are moments when it’s sweet and easy, and a moment later I can be metaphorically on my knees. Thankfully, however I may feel about Kim’s passing, Gary Allan’s lyrics still have a power that few others possess to ease me through the process. Though it’s deeply unfair that Kim will never hear the song, I take comfort in the chorus:

Every storm runs, runs out of rain
Just like every dark night turns into day
Every heartache will fade away
Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

© MCA Nashville 2012 (a division of Legacy Recordings, Inc.)

Perhaps it’s because I know she would have loved it too, but I can’t help feeling as though we have both been cheated in a way.

How do you deal with things they would have loved that come out afterwards? Please feel free to leave a comment. 

Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,

blog signature - 'Casey B'

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
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