Free to enjoy ‘our’ music again


Hi, friends.

Fortune seems to have smiled on me this week. To be more specific, it has been about six years since I could have a decent ‘geek’ conversation about George Harrison with somebody. With the start of a new year at university, I’ve met another fan.

As a result, I’ve spent the past two days listening to George Harrison in the way that I used to when Chris was still physically present. Singing, swaying to the music, clapping along. For about five years, all of that stopped. I continued to listen to the music only because of the sense of connection I got when I did so. Pure nostalgia, and longing for a friend whose presence in my life is greatly missed.

Ultimately, I feel as though I am now free from myself. Free from my own emotions which held me back from enjoying the music in the same way. The fact that Chris is no longer physically here does not mean that I can’t enjoy the music ‘with’ her in a similar way.

I have written before of my belief in the importance of rituals which ‘include’ those online friends we have known who have passed away. For me, the fact that Chris is no longer physically here should not prevent me from listening to the music and enjoying it.

As I did last year, each new release can become a ritual, which can include her in whatever small way seems most appropriate at the time. Martin Scorsese’s ‘Living in the Material World’ documentary was a double-edged sword. I looked forward to it as any Harrison fan would, but at the same time I was aware that I would celebrate it without Chris in the traditional sense.

So, I did the next best thing…I gently rested my framed photo of her on a table next to my cup of tea whilst watching the documentary. In that way, she was only ever a sly glance away when I thought ‘Hey, she’d have loved that.’ or laughed at George’s mention of the very song which provided my alias on the forum.

Well, this has turned into a bit of a ramble, but what I wanted to write about and celebrate today was the fact that I finally feel free to enjoy the music Chris and I shared again. Wishes do sometimes come true, and so do songs.

Wishing (!) you peace and strength on your journeys,

blog signature - 'Casey B'

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in cyberloss, Grief Loss and Bereavement and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Free to enjoy ‘our’ music again

  1. It always amazes me about the power of a different perspective: Sometimes we can quickly “see” or it might take us years … and sometimes we need someone else “eyes” to see a different way to handle a situation. I’m so glad you shared your new realization. As I read your post, I could imagine how Chris would have laughed and enjoyed those moments when you looked over at her (the photograph). She would love the “giggle factor”.

    I used to share books with my Mother. We would discuss them and laugh about our favorite character’s antics. Sometimes, something in life would remind us of a book we read and we would laugh and say “that is something X would do”. Now, I find that instead of regretting that I am about to read the last page of a book (or crying), I hold the book up in the air like a salute and say “Mom, you would have loved this book!” I say it with the same excitement as I used to do when I raced into the living room to where she sat. I noticed the other day that I am reading more books. Almost like “how it used to be”. I have found a way to keep enjoying what feeds me and gives me joy … reading.

    Thank you. As always, you make it easier to live while grieving. I’m finding that there is a path along side the path I walked before, with my loved ones. It isn’t the same path but there is beauty as I walk it without them.

    • Casey B says:

      “Sometimes we need someone else’s eyes to see a different way to handle a situation.” Yes, indeed. I’m amused by how you think Chris would handle the ‘ceremonies’. I’m not sure whether she’d just think it was overkill, but I love her and wish she was still in my life…so I don’t see how that could be.

      I love the fact that your relationship with your mother was enriched by books. “Almost like how it used to be”…I think it’s important that we find some way of ‘recreating’ those good moments so that we can continue to have them.

      If I have in some way made your life easier, I am honoured. Your analogy of the path ‘alongside’ the path you walked before is spot on . Just lately, I’ve become even more aware of that. Perhaps that could be fodder for another of your picture-quote collages?

      Take care, dear friend…and God bless.

      Casey

  2. Music, in and of itself, is such an amazing healer, Casey. I’m so glad you are able to enjoy listening to George once again and able to “share” with Chris in a whole new and meaningful way.
    Liked your reflection here so much . . .
    Blessings!

    • Casey B says:

      Thanks for your comment, Martha.

      I like the idea of sharing with Chris in a new and meaningful way. It makes me realise that our relationship even now transcends the physical…she has as much of an influence on me as she ever did, but it’s just in different ways. That’s fine…it just means I’ve got to keep my eyes open.

      Take care, and God bless,

      Casey

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