Anybody who’s been reading this blog for a while knows that I’m a great believer in signs. My usual two are white feathers, and rainbows. It’s not been the weather for rainbows here lately, which is good for some. 🙂
Since my experience in church last month (it feels very strange to write that) I have noticed even more white feathers around. Either somebody’s been overfeeding the local seagulls, or she wants me to know something. I’d vouch for the latter.
These signs are a great comfort. Whilst I know that I don’t necessarily need them, it’s nice to have reassurance now and then. They make me think that Chris knows about the important things that have happened since she passed away. Most of them because she passed away.
It’s true, I sometimes think about how things would be different if she had survived. I know for a fact that it is unlikely this blog would exist. Although it’s not a strong argument, at least some miniscule amount of good has come out of that experience. Having been to the darkest places I think it’s possible for me to visit, and been fortunate enough to come back…it’s good to have that hope.
I love the external signs, and I often find that when I’m listening to last.fm or conventional radio, a song will come on which will take me back to one of those moments. Most recently it was Dave Loggins’ ‘Please Come To Boston‘. It’s not a song I associated with Chris, but it was another that was almost currency between Kim and I.
It surprised me on last.fm a few days ago. I sat for a few seconds, completely stunned that the song would ambush me. Then, rather than turning it off, I turned it up. Every bone and fibre of my being told me not to, but I felt I could handle it, at least for a few moments. As usual in these situations, I was completely and utterly wrong. Luckily, it didn’t overwhelm me completely, as I’d feared it might…but it was deeply unpleasant. I haven’t attempted to listen to the song since, now I know what it’s capable of.
Anyway, now I’ve committed some of my craziness to this space, I’d like to know what you look out for, or what you consider a nudge from there, to let you know that they’re watching over you.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,