I apologise for the lateness of this post. I wasn’t sure there would be a post today, but this came to me, so I’m going with it. Lately, I’ve been thinking about Kim more…and also more charitably.
The circumstances brought me to a place where it was very difficult to think charitably or even clearly about her as a person, because I had been so wrapped up in the perceived unfairness of her passing.
It definitely wasn’t fair, but I’m slowly realising that through our friendship, Kim gave me the tools I need to deal with this. The music that we shared comes from the heart, and covers those howls of anguish and triumphant cries.
Through this kind of positive thinking, I can see a shift in how I feel about Kim. It’s much the same as I often find myself saying about Chris. The circumstances of her death should not, do not, define the person/force she was in my life.
Regardless of all that, Kim was a source of support during one of the most challenging experiences of my life…I shouldn’t let any residual feelings about her passing cloud that. Without her support, I doubt I would have made the strides I did. I’m sorry I never told her about the blog, but it might not have been the best thing.
Still learning how to pray
Tryin’ harder not to stray
Try to see things your way
I’m still learning how to pray
Kim sent me that particular song along with ‘Life Ain’t Always Beautiful‘ around the anniversary, with the warning ‘Don’t cry’…I think she knew I would, maybe knew it would be good for me…I long for a similar release to happen now, but I know I can’t rush it.
What have you learned from online friendships, or looking back at them? Please feel free to share in the comments.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,