I’ve undertaken a personal journey over the past couple of days. Following Kim’s passing, I battled with myself and my faith for a time, before tacitly deciding that what had happened meant only one thing. Looking back, it probably wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made, but I turned away from my previously strong faith. I’d recently been invited to a church service and I wrestled with the idea, eventually deciding that the remains of my faith would get me into the building to enjoy that if nothing else. When other members of the congregation got up to receive communion, I received a blessing. I’m not sure how to explain it, but I felt something shift, in a good way. I’ve been aware for some time that I’ve held on to memories that I perhaps didn’t need to, but I’m feeling better right now than I have done since 2007, and that has to be a good sign.
I think I might finally be ready to make faith a part of my journey again. I hadn’t abandoned it completely, but I was no longer certain of the existence of a deity. I’m not sure where I am with that now, but it’s a pleasure and a privilege to have peace in my soul again. I know I’ve needed it for a while, but haven’t been entirely sure of how to get back.
I’d love to read about how faith has influenced your journeys with loss. Please feel free to leave a comment if you’re comfortable.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,