Changes in outlook – grieving and progress


Hi, friends.

I’ve undertaken a personal journey over the past couple of days. Following Kim’s passing, I battled with myself and my faith for a time, before tacitly deciding that what had happened meant only one thing. Looking back, it probably wasn’t the best decision I’ve ever made, but I turned away from my previously strong faith. I’d recently been invited to a church service and I wrestled with the idea, eventually deciding that the remains of my faith would get me into the building to enjoy that if nothing else. When other members of the congregation got up to receive communion, I received a blessing. I’m not sure how to explain it, but I felt something shift, in a good way.  I’ve been aware for some time that I’ve held on to memories that I perhaps didn’t need to, but I’m feeling better right now than I have done since 2007, and that has to be a good sign.

I think I might finally be ready to make faith a part of my journey again. I hadn’t abandoned it completely, but I was no longer certain of the existence of a deity. I’m not sure where I am with that now, but it’s a pleasure and a privilege to have peace in my soul again. I know I’ve needed it for a while, but haven’t been entirely sure of how to get back.

I’d love to read about how faith has influenced your journeys with loss. Please feel free to leave a comment if you’re comfortable. 

Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,

blog signature - 'Casey B'

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
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7 Responses to Changes in outlook – grieving and progress

  1. crazylady says:

    I pray you have peaceful journey.

  2. Years ago, when my husband passed away unexpectedly, I had a real crisis of faith. I knew God was there, but I was angry and hurt and, though I continued to attend church with my children, I felt such sadness and emptiness inside where the spirit should be thriving. It took a long time to heal, but one day, out of the blue, the joy I had been missing flooded back to me. Wow! What a relief and release!
    It was a difficult journey but I can look back on it now and see how the Lord used this to grow me in my faith and in my love for Him. I’ve been growing ever since.
    I pray this journey of yours will strengthen your faith, my friend.
    Blessings!

  3. When I lost Sam, I wasn’t sure how I carry on with the plans we planned together. I felt myself so alone at that time even if my family and friends were around…It’s just that I felt my heart broken at that time and the difficult thing is nobody of us knew what happened after he became a missing person…

    Then, the offer to teach kids came after a few weeks and I was never the same again. As I woke up this morning, I felt that God might have other ‘bigger’ and ‘better’ plans for me…

    What I wrote on inertia is exactly the same ~ external forces like ‘death’, ‘earthquakes and calamities, sickness ~ these are external forces that move us from our place of rest…And you are right…these experiences shake us but not break us ~ on the contrary, they make us stronger in faith…

    Lots of love to you Casey :*

  4. t says:

    The best part about God, is that he (she, it, whatever) always allows us to find our own way back home. Never forcing, but always hopeful.

  5. I have been through a similar loss of faith – or rather anger against God – when relationships didn’t work out the way I thought they should – I rebelled. But as always, He drew me back in His own gentle way. I can see God’s Spirit at work within you and through you, Chris. ♥

    • Casey B says:

      ‘anger against God’ – that’s a new way of looking at it. So, really there was no loss of faith, just a loss of being able to see where my faith was. I’m sure the Spirit must have been at work in her, because I don’t think I would be so strongly guided now as I am. I far prefer where I am mentally now to where I have been, and that is a true blessing.

      Thank you for your comment, Corinne.

      Take care,

      Casey

  6. nikky44 says:

    Losing my mother 10 years ago has strengthened my faith although from the outside people might think it has confused me. The change that happened is that now i know that Faith is in the heart and that its not just by going to Church or by praying for hours that I am believing in God. Faith is so much more important than that

I love it when you share your thoughts- so feel free.

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