The past couple of days have been odd to say the least. I’ve enjoyed establishing contact with someone who may well be able to help with my research for the book, but found another stumbling block whilst looking at Chris’ thread again for the purposes of writing.
Five years after Chris’ passing, I believe I may be the only person who ever looks at her forum thread, let alone posts, but it’s vital for me. I remember that many of us made a promise shortly after Chris’ death that her thread would continue. Of those who agreed to it, only a few are still active members of the board, but it seems to have been forgotten.
Keeping her thread going is a way of expressing my gratitude to her for all that she taught me, and keeping the connection. I only post twice a year, on the anniversary and her birthday, because I feel that any more often would be spam. As much as I love her, I don’t want to feel as though I’m doing the board community a disservice.
Rereading the topic yesterday from the beginning, I discovered that Chris’ move to the capital shouldn’t have been the red flag it was for me at the time. She’d moved to Buenos Aires about a year before she passed.
You might think that would be a comfort to me – I certainly did, and do…so it surprised me that I have been in a funk for a while, and am only just beginning to re-emerge.
I recently decided that it is time to finally destroy some old journals from that time I was keeping until the book had been written. The manuscript is not yet finished, but I have written the most difficult part. I feel that it would be helpful to finally get rid of these diaries, as the events they describe will remain with me for a lifetime.
However, there’s one problem/blessing in this situation. I somehow feel that Chris may have intervened, because I have looked in the most likely places, and cannot find the book. That makes me smile…it’s just one of many ways I’ve noticed her continued presence recently.
Have you ever experienced the sensation that they’re still around somehow? Please feel free to share in the comments.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,