Grieving and gifts

The past couple of days have been odd to say the least. I’ve enjoyed establishing contact with someone who may well be able to help with my research for the book, but found another stumbling block whilst looking at Chris’ thread again for the purposes of writing.

Five years after Chris’ passing, I believe I may be the only person who ever looks at her forum thread, let alone posts, but it’s vital for me. I remember that many of us made a promise shortly after Chris’ death that her thread would continue. Of those who agreed to it, only a few are still active members of the board, but it seems to have been forgotten.

Keeping her thread going is a way of expressing my gratitude to her for all that she taught me, and keeping the connection. I only post twice a year, on the anniversary and her birthday, because I feel that any more often would be spam. As much as I love her, I don’t want to feel as though I’m doing the board community a disservice.

Rereading the topic yesterday from the beginning, I discovered that Chris’ move to the capital shouldn’t have been the red flag it was for me at the time. She’d moved to Buenos Aires about a year before she passed.

You might think that would be a comfort to me – I certainly did, and do…so it surprised me that I have been in a funk for a while, and am only just beginning to re-emerge.

I recently decided that it is time to finally destroy some old journals from that time I was keeping until the book had been written. The manuscript is not yet finished, but I have written the most difficult part. I feel that it would be helpful to finally get rid of these diaries, as the events they describe will remain with me for a lifetime.

However, there’s one problem/blessing in this situation. I somehow feel that Chris may have intervened, because I have looked in the most likely places, and cannot find the book. That makes me smile…it’s just one of many ways I’ve noticed her continued presence recently.

Have you ever experienced the sensation that they’re still around somehow? Please feel free to share in the comments. 

Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys, 

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in Chris, cyberloss, Grief Loss and Bereavement, online friendship, online-loss, triggers and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Grieving and gifts

  1. nikky44 says:

    In so many different way Casey, I do feel them around, and its a nice feeling. I would love to go and check Chris blog and read her posts. Would you give me the link? I have started reading Blogs in November 2011, so I had no chance to know Chris ❤

  2. connectingwithzoe says:

    That made me smile, I think Chris has other plans, she sees that the time may come when you will need that book.. Go with it, no resistance, if and when you find the book see how you feel, you may not want to part with it after all!
    Spirit is active in our lives and I think the more aware of it we become, the more active they become, quite wonderful, we never have been separated from them, they know that, its just us, here on planet earth, we only see separation and are then surprised and confused by their presence,

    Hugs x

    • Casey B says:

      Thanks, Stacey.

      I’m glad to have made you smile. I really appreciate your advice, and as ever, your wisdom about Spirit is a real comfort. ‘It’s just us – here on planet Earth, we only see separation and are then surprised and confused by their presence.’ – exactly! 😀

      I couldn’t get a clearer sign that she’s still around…so very lucky.



  3. I do believe that when they feel that they have some things left unsettled here on earth, they remain and make their presence felt.

    You are an amazing friend, Casey. I find it so touching that you are doing this for Chris. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why she’s still here–to support you in writing this book.

    Take care and God bless ❤ 🙂

    • Casey B says:

      Thank you, Irene.

      Could be – I know I probably wouldn’t feel able to do it if I didn’t feel that she was about in certain ways.

      Take care and God bless,


  4. I often feel my grandmother around me and I dream of her often and still feel so close to her. Great post!

  5. Galen Pearl says:

    I barely escaped a very bad accident a couple of years ago. It was a freak thing, and my rational mind sees no way I could have missed being hit. Afterwards, I had such a clear sense that my mom had been there and somehow stepped in to help me out. Sweet article.

    • Casey B says:

      Hi, Galen.

      Thanks for taking the time to write. I’m honoured that you shared your experience. It truly is a blessing when they come to ‘visit’ and avert our crises.

      Take care,


  6. asoulwalker says:

    No, I have not noticed that they are still around. It sounds nice.

  7. Twist and turn Shady 🙂 But I do believe that spirits and angels guide us here in this world. I consider your friend as one. I’m glad that you are pretty receptive of her guidance 🙂

I love it when you share your thoughts- so feel free.

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