Time, grief and cyberloss

We’ve all heard it said that time heals. There are various schools of thought on how that happens, and still others who believe that time does not directly heal, but what you do with that time does. I’m inclined to agree with them.

For those of us who have experienced loss, however, be it the loss of an online friend or somebody we knew in our day to day lives, time has another effect. It distorts our memories, or at the very least re-orders them, so that any impression we have of events is not certain to be the exact way in which they happened.

Where possible, it can be helpful to discuss the experience with others, which will enable you to recall the sequence of events, and may also spark a few pleasant memories. It wasn’t until recently for example, that I recalled Chris’ words on the purpose of friendship.

‘We all need friends,’ she wrote, ‘to help us cope with the stones in the road.’ Or that’s what I can remember of it. Another difficulty arises for those of us who have suffered the loss of online friends when the evidence of our interactions vanishes in the mists of time or the forum archives.

Although it may be painful at first, I would advocate putting together an archive of sorts which has everything you shared with your online friend. Save emails to a folder on your email provider, or paste them into a Word document. Put any such files on disc, and keep the disc somewhere that you will remember in future. Even if you can’t look at it now, it’s always a good idea to have a record for the future, when you will be able to think back and smile.

Please feel free to share what you’ve done to remember in the comments

Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in Chris, coping-with-grief, cyberloss, grief, Grief Loss and Bereavement, grieving-process and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Time, grief and cyberloss

  1. Casey, I’m thrilled that I’m actually going to be in your inbox! I feel honored by that:)) as to this post, this week these issues have come up do to peripheral people in my life, but they have really affected me (You’ll read about one in my T post next week). Just now returned from running into someone I know who lost her 24 year old daughter last year to a car accident. “I was just stopping to visit Laura,” she said casually, about the grave spot at the local church. As if for a cup of tea. She went on about how she had a busy day etc. I watched her walk away, stunned. How she could still actually put one foot in front of the other. There may be a post in this one too.

    • Casey B says:

      Thank you so much for sharing this story, Sandra. The strength exhibited by such individuals amazes me too. In the midst of the unthinkable, one foot in front of the other often seems to be the only way.

      Best wishes,


  2. EmHart says:

    Thank you for stopping by my blog. This is my very first ICLW and I am really looking forward to discovering new blogs and ‘meeting’ some new people. Oh, and I am a massive Shakespeare fan (so much so I have an masters in his work), great sonnet.

    • Casey B says:

      Thanks for reciprocating. 🙂 I adore Sonnet 30 because of the sentiment. I was introduced to it by a German friend, who actually designed the blog header for me when I gushed about how appropriate it was for my situation. (She knows the ins and outs of the story intimately…one of those people I talk with often.) The kind of thinking Shakespeare advocates here is becoming more commonplace for me, but unfortunately, it’s not always the first port of call.

      Best wishes,


  3. Shelley says:

    I read and re-read your last paragraph several times. I have so many saved emails from a dear friend I lost and I know I need to save them, in order, in a document of some sort with our few photos together. It’s a part of my grieving process I am yet to tackle.
    (Found your blog through ICLW, and I am very glad I did.)

I love it when you share your thoughts- so feel free.

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