Today ought to be Kim’s 32nd birthday. Well, it is. The problem with it is that she’s not here for it. I spend a lot of my time now trying not to even think about her, and somehow I think that’s the complete opposite of traditional aims when wanting to remember someone.
This week has become tortuous, ever since last year…get through the anniversary of Chris’ passing, then fight my way through Kim’s birthday. Through it all, I would like to still be able to think that she loved me, loved all of us…but I’m always floored by the fact that love didn’t seem to be enough. Seems like an endless cycle – so here’s the poem to go for today’s NaBloPoMo post.
This time of year, I look around
And it’s endless.
There doesn’t seem to be any way I can turn
Where I don’t think of something
That I shouldn’t.
That something is usually you.
I wish I could find it in me to let it go
And let you know
That somehow, I still love you.
Unfortunately, that day is still far off
It wasn’t your fault, I know
But it’s still tough
And I don’t know whether I’m strong enough.
It is endless.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,
- Love Sorrow – Mary Oliver (navigatingcyberloss.wordpress.com)
- And so it begins….dealing with emails (navigatingcyberloss.wordpress.com)
- Approaching an anniversary (navigatingcyberloss.wordpress.com)