I no longer know exactly when, because my memory plays tricks on me with these things, but about eight months before Chris died, we actually discussed talking via webcam/microphone. It never happened, because we ran out of time…but today’s NaBloPoMo poem hopefully represents some of the things I might have said.
One Sided Conversation
I wonder if I’d have laughed or cried
Said the things I held inside
Said the things I’d been dreaming of
Let you know how much you were loved.
I might have asked about the kids
Come to that, I sometimes did
But how I wish I’d had the choice
To hear you talk, and hear your voice
It’s one thing among those I dream of now
I don’t know why, and I don’t know how
There must be some reason, or at least a rhyme
To tell me why we ran out of time.
But I love you still
And I want you to know
I carry you with me
Wherever I go
Of all my friends, you’ve taught me most
About how to handle what is lost
I needn’t lament what is ‘gone’
But I take your lessons, and carry on.
How I wish I’d had the chance to have that conversation…but it feels good to get some of that stuff out. Please feel free to leave a comment if you’re so inclined.
Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,
PS: My brain really does play tricks on me- I’ve just checked, and it was more like eight months before she passed.