Ways in which she’s with me still- an experimental list.


Hi, friends.
I hope this post finds you well. It’s an experiment, really. The idea occurred to me a few days ago, and I’ve only now thought about it again. I thought I’d attempt to combat some of the feelings that come up around the Easter period by making a list of the ways in which Chris is still present in my life. It might be something that you would like to try, to remind you of the person or people you have known. If you do try it, maybe you’d like to share some of the things you found in the comments- let’s see how many commonalities there are between those of us who’ve had this experience. Anyway, enough of my ramblings, let’s get to the list. I’ll add each item and an explanation if necessary.

1. Chris is with me through her motto- ‘I won’t accept defeat’
It was something she often said with regard to her battle, and it’s become something I say to myself in times of difficulty.

2. Chris is with me through our shared musical taste.

Yes, this is a blatantly obvious one, considering how we came to know one another, but it still doesn’t prevent me from occasionally feeling like she’s around when I’m listening to Beatles music.

3. Chris is with me through her lessons on a spiritual attitude to life.
I often reflect on how lucky I am to have known such a remarkably talented woman. One of her greatest skills in my view was that she taught without actually teaching. That might be slightly confusing, but I learned a lot just from talking with her about Indian scripture and Hinduism in general. Even though I’m no longer the spiritual person I once was, I still believe that one day Chris and I will just pick up where we left off.

4. Chris is with me in the music that I play.

I can’t vouch for the truth of this, but I think Chris has had a lot to do with the music I’ve written over the past five years. Some of the songs have come too easily for them to be solely my work, and they’ve not been plagiarised! J

5. Chris is with me in the things I do to pay tribute.

Another borderline obvious one, I suppose. If I didn’t feel that she was with me in those moments, why would I bother?

6. Chris is with me when I share her story.
After five years, I’m closer than ever to a point where I actively take pleasure in sharing Chris’ story with other people, and that’s when I feel her around most. When I speak about her, it brings a smile to my face. I don’t have to get around any of the horrible bit at the end, I can just talk about somebody I love very much.
7. Chris is with me when I laugh at the memories we made and the chats we had.

I’m probably the only person in England who can walk around a garden centre and start to laugh when I see a display of spades. Why? Chris’ response to the English joke ‘What do you call a man with a spade on his head?’ – ‘What’s a spade?’ I can’t help but chuckle. Makes up for the greetings card fiascos, I guess.
These are the seven most obvious ways I can think of that Chris remains present in my life. I have no doubt that there will be additions to this list. I hope that you might enjoy the experience of remembering your friend by making your own list.

Wishing you peace and strength on your journeys,
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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in anniversaries, Chris, commemoration, coping-with-grief, support and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Ways in which she’s with me still- an experimental list.

  1. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Oh, wow, you are aching. I’m so sorry – breakups do happen. Good luck with your experiment, express it all, & then let go. You can never make someone stay. I suffered so, so bad over one – once. Just once have I ached so bad. I hope you’re okay.

    • Casey B says:

      Thank you for your comment. I’m OK as can be at the moment, with the approaching anniversary. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding, as my friend passed away in April 2007. I appreciate your taking the time to write.

  2. Corinne says:

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I love it when you share your thoughts- so feel free.

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