I didn’t expect a spike in the frequency of my posting this far in advance of the anniversary. It’s so easy to slip into this kind of mood, unfortunately. I’m incredibly apprehensive about it, because I don’t want the kind of detailed recall that has plagued me in earlier years. There’s no way I want that, but almost in the same breath, I don’t want to forget. I don’t want to wake up that day and feel fine. I’d accept a little moment of remembering what happened, but I don’t want the fog which accompanies it. I don’t want it to happen this early on…I don’t know why it still happens this early on. If it’s something to do with me, I want to know so I can change it, but if it’s just a side effect of the fact that my major loss is inextricably associated with a time of year that most of the rest of the world associates with chocolate and joy, then I’m absolutely stuffed. It’s just a case of waiting it out again, and hoping it doesn’t start this early next year.
Wishing you all the best on your journeys,