Hope this post finds you all well. I can scarcely believe that I’m still in a state of limbo over that blessed MySpace account. I’m frustratingly, tantalizingly close to it. The thing is, the damn email hasn’t come yet. ’24-48 hours’ my foot! I suppose I’m placing too much emphasis on it, but there’s something about the act of doing that which I feel I desperately need. Letting go of that will be an admission that I am no longer holding onto the experience so tightly.
It’s not even an experience that I cherish. In fact, it’s anything but. There was so much associated stuff that I would just quite happily obliterate from my memory, but given that is not an option, I need to have the right to do that final act. I delete that, then delete the email address, then I can go back to a blissful state of knowing that there are emails there which I have a chance to go through at some time when I am feeling ready and sufficiently strong to do so. I don’t want to have to deal with the relics from Kim’s journey at the same time as trying to process my pain over the coming anniversary.
The displays in the shops never really help. Giant posters which remind the rest of the world of the date that I will never forget. Well, my only hope is that it will lose its intensity over time…but it will be there for some time yet. I don’t need to be trying to deal with this issue at the same time as trying to cope with the forthcoming super-pain that will go with the anniversary. Here’s hoping I have some strength left over to deal with it.
Wishing you all peace and strength on your journeys,