Stuck: pure and simple

This is a strange place to be, much like in my earlier ‘Void’ posts. I’m not feeling anything particularly alarming, other than not feeling anything. I’m half proud of myself, half surprised and filled with awe that I’m actually working through the emails. Well, working through them is a strong term. I keep getting to that same point. Well, now I’m back to the earlier ‘same point’ where I try to think about it and balk at the mere idea of looking at them. Dear Lord, when will I ever have the courage to do this?

The worst thing is, I know I don’t have to. But on some level, I feel like I should. I need to mark the fact that Kim’s suffering has ended, and I can’t think of a better way to do that at the moment than sorting through the emails I probably ought to have deleted as they became irrelevant. I wonder whether I somehow ‘knew’ that this situation would eventually arise? I know it was probably a logical conclusion. There is after all only so much a human body can take, as I keep reminding myself when the question of why arises.

I hope I will gather the strength to go on and do what is necessary soon – I think Easter will be tough enough without this hanging over me as well.

Blessings to each of you on your journeys,

About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in coping-with-grief, emotion, flashbacks, Kim, memories, online loss issues, triggers and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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