Potential trigger: three times?


Lately I’ve experienced some nasty flashbacks to the multiple times when I received emails letting me know that Kim was in hospital. I don’t know how many times I’ve noted before that I don’t understand it, I don’t pretend to understand it…but there’s one thing I can’t get over. Why on earth would somebody let themselves get into that state, where they ended up hospitalised and scared the holy whatever out of those who were close to them? Or, why, if they wanted to get better, would they repeatedly let it happen? I can’t get anywhere near deciphering that. And that’s the reason I don’t want to think about her. I find myself getting angry every time I try, because I end up wondering why this world wasn’t enough. I know this world didn’t have Jon in it after 2007, but this world still had plenty of things that ought…well, now I am being unreasonable. Who am I to say that they ought to have been enough? I want to understand –  I desperately want to understand, but I don’t know how.

See you on the other side of this mire,

PS: I feel I ought to explain that the title of this post arises from the three occasions upon which Kim was hospitalised, before the one from which she did not come home.

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in anorexia, Kim, loss, memories, online-loss, original-stuff. Bookmark the permalink.

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