Looking for a non-existent needle in a haystack.

I have been remiss in not posting here as often as I would like, but at the same time I recognise that if I do not need to post here with the same frequency as I have done in the past, then progress must be being made. However, today I found myself STUGed (pron. ‘stugged’) in a couple of ways. I’m trying to be a source of support to a friend who is going through a parent’s cancer diagnosis, and I feel as though I’m failing, because ‘Oh, shit’ seems like the most helpful thing I can say…and that isn’t helpful. I can’t support as well as I’d like to, because of the experiences I’ve had. I’m always STUGed by this, because it reminds me of what I went through (in a sense) alongside Chris. For a long time, I’ve wanted to find a particular instant message conversation that I know we had, and I’ve saved all of them, as far as I know. There was one where we discussed impending ‘checkings’, to see whether it had returned, and this conversation turned into a discussion on the economic affairs of Argentina since the Falklands War, then to a discussion of Chris’ time in England and what she’d done whilst here. However, I can’t find it. I feel like I’m looking for a needle in a haystack, but I’m not sure that the needle actually exists this time. I’ve never been so bewildered by a situation, save when Chris was actually ill, and I was struggling to comprehend what the hell was going on from my great distance and young age.

Hopefully I’ll find some resolution.

About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in Chris, coping-with-grief, emotion, original-stuff, support, triggers and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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