Thinking again. It always crowds in, just as I think I’ve got a handle on it. I’m wondering why I seem to be such a living Jekyll and Hyde at the moment – in part I feel that Chris’ decision to exit when she did (I’ve never received any confirmation of this, it’s just my suspicion, and it’s logical enough, considering the spiritual, loving person that she was.) was the height of bravery, and yet when I think of Kim’s decision to exit when she did, I end up thinking how damn foolish it was. I know I’m misunderstanding it to the point where I couldn’t even hope to have a proper understanding, but I don’t know what to do with this feeling. I have no idea how I’m going to reconcile what I believe about Chris with what I believe about Kim’s choice. (Even the word choice sort of feels wrong there, but I have to say that because it’s how I feel it was.) Oddly, I have a song entitled ‘See the Elephant’ on repeat at the moment – James McMurtry. There couldn’t be anything more appropriate, because of that wonderful metaphor about this experience and comparing it to an elephant in the room. I have much more thinking to do, I know. And I will surely return here to do it. Hope you’ll join me.
Have you experienced conflicting emotions over your losses? What did you do to overcome these? Please share your ideas in the comments.