Anger, always anger…

Why on earth is it that when I think of Kim, it’s very seldom a loving thought now? When she was here, I often thought lovingly of her, prayerfully of her. (I’ve written before about faith and grief, and for reference, I’m still struggling somewhat with that issue.)

I also struggle with the concept that I loved her whilst she was around – do I still love her now, even though I feel all this anger? I’m not sure where the anger comes from, I just can’t seem to get past “What a hellish way to go! What a way to want to go.”

Man, oh, man…I don’t know why I can’t get away from the idea that it was something she wanted.

It’s just occurred to me that I’ve written practically this same post before, so I don’t know why I’m writing it again, but please excuse my ranting. I’m not sure how to handle the rest of this. Kim’s Mum recently asked me to share any new songs I’d written. I’m worried that the one I want to share, which I wrote about in my Versatile Blogger post may trigger for her. Part of me wants to do a new recording, where I talk a little about what Kim means to me before playing the song, but I’m not sure whether that would trigger even more. I obviously have a lot of thinking to do, and would appreciate any advice that you could offer.



About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in emotion, grief, loss, original-stuff, triggers and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Anger, always anger…

  1. Fran says:

    Hello! I’m stopping by from ICLW and it’s the first time I come across your blog. So I didn’t know much about what you were blogging about and read a few posts. It must be really really hard to cope with this kind of losses. I have no advice for you but wanted to leave you a hug.

I love it when you share your thoughts- so feel free.

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