Thoughts resulting from insomnia


(Listening to Ripple again as I write this – please excuse any inaccuracies, as this is from my brain after little/no sleep)

I keep turning the damn situation over in my head. Doing the square peg, round hole thing – as if that would change anything. I probably misunderstand it completely once again, but I can’t get my head around (or maybe my heart around – I’m sure the head knows, but the heart feels) the way this has panned out. How can somebody be that determined, from both sides? Determined to be well (demonstrated countless times in emails) and then just ready to let it go? In this context, being ready to let go is a less than positive thing, I think. Before (with Chris) it meant that she’d done everything she felt was necessary: ‘whatever happens, I am decided to finish with this’. I understand that there were physical reasons, that much is obvious, but the roll-over mentality just hurts at this point.  I hope to whatever I’m permitted to hope to at this point with the remnants of faith that I have that wasn’t the case.

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in grief, happenings, loss, online loss issues, original-stuff, triggers and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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