I’m still procrastinating about the emails, knowing all the while that I have to sort them out at some point. I can’t get over the fact that there is a stone. It seems that somehow that means, even if in the confines of my mind alone, that she’s well and truly gone. There are also inconsistencies with the images in my head, when I think of a headstone, obviously. I’ve been informed that the stone which marks Kim’s resting place is pink (that was a surprise, to be honest, as much, if not more than being informed about the stone at all.)
I’d always thought there was a limit to what we (online friends) knew about our acquaintances. Somehow it seems not. With the way I spend much of my time feeling at the moment, because of the description of the stone, I’m beginning to wish there was. I shared every damn moment, it seemed, hospitalizations, resuscitation attempts – on the other end of an email. I wouldn’t say, and I’m not saying that I’d change a moment of it – but it makes experiences like this harder, because I know in a sense that I’ll never see the stone, but knowing that it’s there means she’s there, and if she’s six feet under, I’m not going to get an email from her next week. (Flippant I know, but please forgive me this one.)
Have you received information about an online friend after their passing that you’d rather not? If there’s something you need to vent about, feel free to do it here.