The urge to ‘do something!’


Galvanised into action.

Image by Ketil Johansen via Flickr

Hurrah! We’ve all made it through Easter for another year. Spending time with a friend’s 15 month old daughter yesterday made me realise that there is still some good in the world, despite the seeming ‘necessity’ of loss.

However, today I’m back in a strange place, much like I was with the post where I wrote of my troubles  dealing with emails. I now have a flaming soundtrack sorted, but I’m nowhere near starting to actually do it.

I wish to whatever I’m supposed to wish to at this point, in the seeming absence of a deity (where is He in this, anyway?) that I could just start the process, because I know that once I do, it’ll start the healing process. Actually doing something about it would be a lot more useful than thinking about (dreading) doing it. I just have a nagging feeling that when I do start, it’ll only be a short while before I’ll get another email which will completely floor me (as they always do at the moment) and then I’ll stop for another couple of months.

I can’t leave it for three years again, because that gave rise to a moment of panic, and plenty of cursing when I found every email Chris had ever sent me on one page in my inbox. (They moved to a folder which I labelled ‘Messages from Chris’ and I haven’t looked at them since.) Messages from Kim are in another folder, but I feel as though I have to do something with them, before I lose them.

I’d like to know whether I really am alone in this, or are there others out there who’ve put off dealing with their online friend’s correspondence? Please feel free to leave a comment and share your story. 

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in coping strategies, coping-with-grief, cyberloss stories, grief, happenings, loss, triggers and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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