Anniversary week starts here.

3rd April, 2007 marked the beginning of Chris’ decline. For some reason, that night, I logged on to the George Harrison messageboard at 11.00pm, despite every bone in my body telling me I needed to sleep. I knew there was a reason I was supposed to check the board before I went to bed that night…I just wished that it didn’t have to be that one. The word was that Chris ‘had reached the final step of her illness. We are only waiting for the end and praying that she should stop suffering.’ A lot to take in at eleven at night, so I took my usual action and returned to George Harrison’s music, which had always comforted me in the past. The song I chose seems oddly inappropriate four years later, but in that moment ‘Here Comes the Sun’ was the only thing I could think of to play. I sat singing the ‘it’s alright’ part as if I could make it so by singing those words. How I wished I could…of course, from there, there was no way back. It was just going to get worse until the inevitable conclusion. So, that’s what I have to deal with at the moment, and throughout this week, the memories which will inevitably come in and threaten to rob me of my peace and acceptance (even if they’re illusory, it was wonderful to have them for a time) Not having Kim around this year is probably going to make it harder, because the anniversary of Chris’ passing is Friday, and the following Friday ought to be Kim’s birthday, when I would usually drag myself out of this funk in order to wish her a happy birthday and not become a burden. I’ll hopefully be blogging more often during this week, probably as an effort to cope with the resurgence of old feelings. Until the next post, then…I’ll leave you with that oddly appropriate/inappropriate song:


About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in anniversaries, anticipation, flashbacks, grief, happenings, loss, Music, online-loss, others' work. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Anniversary week starts here.

  1. Pingback: Praying her home with a song- 4/4/07 | Navigating Cyberloss

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