This haze over Edinburgh represents the haze in my head at the moment


Two days, and it’s a month since I found out. I guess I really ought to have another session of dealing with emails, but I’d rather leave it. At the minute, the thought fills me with dread, and I’m only talking about transferring those that I probably ought to let go of to a folder where they will be stored until such time as I am ready. The ones I want to keep will end up in a Microsoft Word document of some description, along with the emails which I sent to her. However, despite the plan, I’m horrified by the thought of deleting her email address. I know that it has to happen at some point…ideally before the three month mark, which would also be her thirty-first birthday, so as to avoid ‘accidents’…sending an e-card to the address, then finding myself wondering why she hasn’t replied, when by that time she will have been ‘gone’ for three months.

I spend more and more time these days actually trying not to think about it…in a sort of haze of knowing that something major has changed, and knowing exactly what it is, but I don’t want to allow myself to believe that it could actually be. Should I wait to delete her email address and deal with the emails, or should I get it over with?


About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in anniversaries, anticipation, grief, happenings, loss and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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