Grieving with what remains of my faith…


This new loss has shown me something alarming. I may usually lean on my faith at times like these, but this time (probably because I’m so ‘early out’) it doesn’t seem to be there. Instead there’s just an awareness that it ought to be. I ought to be able to derive some comfort from it, but being out on a limb here with what almost represents the remains of it, I’m at a total loss. I don’t know what to do with what remains here, because it feels weird to approach the Lord in prayer when this was His doing. I know that each one of us must die, but to hear of that on the day which was supposed to be a great opportunity for closure, me moving forward, not moving forward into more grief, but moving away from grief entirely.

 

This Bible symbolises the way I feel about my faith at the moment..

Obviously, He had other plans, but I fail to see how I’m more useful to Him on my knees than standing upright to serve.

 

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About Casey Bottono

I am in love with language. I write poetry and fiction in a wide variety of genres. Most recently, I have been shortlisted as a finalist in the Coalition of Texans with Disabilities' Pen2Paper contest.
This entry was posted in coping strategies, grief, happenings, loss, online-loss, triggers. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Grieving with what remains of my faith…

  1. So sorry to hear of another loss that you are dealing with right now, it does feel like we are on our knees when that happens.
    The greatest gift of all at this time is to be kind to you and how you feel (your ambivalence about your faith and the disappointment at another loss to knock you down) . Just let it sit and mull around you in the soup and remember you are stronger than you think you can ever be.
    In my experience I will never know why some things happen, all I know is my grief never leaves, it sits in my heart always, but my life grows bigger around it.
    Blessings to you
    Maureen

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