Category Archives: flashbacks

Defined by grief, five years on?

Posted on March 17, 2012 by

Wow. I find it hard to believe that it’s possible to feel like this. Listening to Labi Siffre at the moment, singing about how there’s ‘Something Inside So Strong‘. I’m trying to believe it, but it’s moulded around a waterfall … Continue reading →

Posted in anniversaries, anticipation, Chris, cyberloss, flashbacks | Tagged , , , , | 10 Comments

Stuck: pure and simple

Posted on January 21, 2012 by

This is a strange place to be, much like in my earlier ‘Void’ posts. I’m not feeling anything particularly alarming, other than not feeling anything. I’m half proud of myself, half surprised and filled with awe that I’m actually working … Continue reading →

Posted in coping-with-grief, emotion, flashbacks, Kim, memories, online loss issues, triggers | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

False start (or four down, loads to go)

Posted on January 16, 2012 by

I’m making very slow progress with these damn emails. I still feel like it’s better to actually deal with them than hoard them and pretend that they don’t exist. (I know that’s a contradiction, but it refers to having them … Continue reading →

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Inarticulate and sore

Posted on December 11, 2011 by

I can’t believe the point I am at right now. You’d think I could just let it go, after recognising that it’s eating me. I’m trying to be vaguely brave, and resisting the urge to scream and howl. The question … Continue reading →

Posted in anorexia, flashbacks, grief, Kim | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

So, that’s that.

Posted on November 1, 2011 by

Apologies for the pessimistic post title. I have just received a response from the British Library in response to an enquiry about this. Seems the door has closed - the trail ends at the passage in Confessions about the passing of … Continue reading →

Posted in Chris, coping-with-grief, flashbacks, grief, happenings | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Demons on every corner

Posted on July 19, 2011 by

This is well and truly a moment by moment process. For some reason, I felt I was strong enough to finally watch a video that one of Kim’s friends had made which was dedicated to her, and emailed to me … Continue reading →

Posted in coping-with-grief, flashbacks, grief, online loss issues, online-loss, triggers | Tagged , , , , , | 2 Comments

What are you so afraid of?

Posted on July 18, 2011 by

What are you so afraid of?  That’s the question that bugs me every time I let it in. I think about it more often than I should, because now a lot of time has passed since Chris died, and I … Continue reading →

Posted in Chris, coping-with-grief, flashbacks, grief, online-loss, triggers | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

A birthday wish for Kim.

Posted on April 16, 2011 by

A Birthday Wish for Kim You showed me love without limits We shared deep faith without end Though sometimes I questioned your choices You are one of my dearest friends I loved to share with you my music That which … Continue reading →

Posted in anniversaries, anticipation, coping strategies, cyberloss stories, flashbacks, grief, happenings, loss, original-stuff, poetry, trigger dates | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Heavy hearted on dear Kim’s birthday

Posted on April 15, 2011 by

I can’t say a lot today. Not that I really say much of substance anyway, this is more my rambling, spewed out here for people to read. Three years ago, I never imagined this would happen. I knew that Kim … Continue reading →

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Numbness, insomnia, three days to go…

Posted on April 5, 2011 by

This is an early post, I know. Truth is, I’ve been awake for the last couple of hours anyway. Something woke me at 4.50am, try as I might, couldn’t get back. Back when it was all going on, I would … Continue reading →

Posted in anniversaries, anticipation, coping strategies, flashbacks, grief, happenings, loss | Leave a comment