Fortune seems to have smiled on me this week. To be more specific, it has been about six years since I could have a decent ‘geek’ conversation about George Harrison with somebody. With the start of a new year at university, I’ve met another fan.
As a result, I’ve spent the past two days listening to George Harrison in the way that I used to when Chris was still physically present. Singing, swaying to the music, clapping along. For about five years, all of that stopped. I continued to listen to the music only because of the sense of connection I got when I did so. Pure nostalgia, and longing for a friend whose presence in my life is greatly missed.
Ultimately, I feel as though I am now free from myself. Free from my own emotions which held me back from enjoying the music in the same way. The fact that Chris is no longer physically here does not mean that I can’t enjoy the music ‘with’ her in a similar way.
I have written before of my belief in the importance of rituals which ‘include’ those online friends we have known who have passed away. For me, the fact that Chris is no longer physically here should not prevent me from listening to the music and enjoying it.
As I did last year, each new release can become a ritual, which can include her in whatever small way seems most appropriate at the time. Martin Scorsese’s ‘Living in the Material World’ documentary was a double-edged sword. I looked forward to it as any Harrison fan would, but at the same time I was aware that I would celebrate it without Chris in the traditional sense.
So, I did the next best thing…I gently rested my framed photo of her on a table next to my cup of tea whilst watching the documentary. In that way, she was only ever a sly glance away when I thought ‘Hey, she’d have loved that.’ or laughed at George’s mention of the very song which provided my alias on the forum.
Well, this has turned into a bit of a ramble, but what I wanted to write about and celebrate today was the fact that I finally feel free to enjoy the music Chris and I shared again. Wishes do sometimes come true, and so do songs.
Wishing (!) you peace and strength on your journeys,