Today I’ve decided to take part in Stream of Consciousness Sunday again – now hosted at Jana’s Thinking Space. I don’t intend to participate every week, but this week’s prompt inspired me - write about a time when you were challenged.
Five minutes of free-writing.
I have been, and continue to be, challenged by the fact that I find it difficult to forgive what happened to Kim. I still have some misguided idea that there was some kind of choice involved, but I can almost see how there wasn’t any choice at all. The issue of how I’m going to learn to come to terms with this is another challenge. I knew from the start how the situation with Kim was going to end. (I realised that only recently, but I am relieved to have done so.) It’s difficult to put into words how I feel about it exactly, which is why I have not posted as much as I ought to lately. The truth is, with Chris’ birthday coming up, I feel more inclined to celebrate that than ruminate on the experience of losing Kim. However, I know that there is still grief work to be done, and I will continue to be challenged by it until such time as I actually convince myself that I need to do it in order to emerge from the experience. It was sheer torture to hear of all the updates that would trickle back from the family, and I never felt able to say ‘I’m not sure I want to know.’ Some friend I would have been if I had…well, some friend I was, to be honest. I don’t know whether what Kim and I shared was in the same league as what I shared with Chris, because I know that Chris loved me. Knowing that Chris loved me makes the pain worth it, not sure with Kim.
SOC Sunday Rules
This was my 5 minute Stream of Consciousness Sunday post. It’s five minutes of your time and a brain dump. Want to try it? Here are the rules…
- Set a timer and write for 5 minutes.
- Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
- Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
- Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
- Link up your post here
- Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.
Watch this space for my next post. On Tuesday, I will reveal the anniversary maṇḍala, and launch the ‘Share a memory’ page of the site.
Look forward to seeing you then,